Man, where do I even start this post.
I’ve taken several months off from most of my professional endeavors to embrace the new season of mommy-hood that I’ve come into. Hubs, Lil Man, and I welcomed Baby Girl into our lives in late September 2017, and we have been rocking the “two littles” life since! Which means finding a lot of joy in our everyday, embracing days and nights without sleep, celebrating poopy diapers that don’t need wardrobe changes, and really trying to take the time to see each other every day. I try to make a point to hold each of my babies (Mr Bosco included, of course) just to appreciate how they feel in my arms. I play with Lil Man, just to appreciate how his mind is learning about creativity and imagination. I look into the eyes of my family members each day, just so I can communicate, “Yes, I see you. I am present with you. I love you.”
And I wouldn’t ever change the way I have chosen to prioritize my time and my energies, no matter how much I also miss my work and clients! I understand that I have finite resources and, in order to be my best self, I need to not be stretched too thin.
That being said, I’ve still be walking my life zeal walk and taking care of my health whenever and however I can. Finding ways to fit in a little bit of self-care each and every day, combined with making mindful nutrition choices, goes a long way toward keeping us all healthy and happy.
A while back, I posted a few pictures on my Facebook page highlighting how this lifestyle has helped me maintain my fitness throughout this mommy-centric chapter of my life. Because I’ve met too many parents, and mommas especially, who believe that it’s just not possible to take care of yourself AND keep small humans alive at the same time. Or, possibly even worse, who believe that the price you must pay for growing a human and giving birth is a dysfunctional, hurting bod.
As if our bodies weren’t designed with the ability to reproduce in mind…
2 months pregnant with Baby Girl, Feb 2017
7 months pregnant with Baby Girl. July 2017
4 weeks after Baby Girl was born, October 2017
So there I was, being like, “Yeah, look what I did! You can do this too!” and celebrating a personal victory, and some stranger strolled onto my page and posted:
That’s what you get when you’re anorexic.
The ignorance and hate in that one sentence just cut me straight to my core.
And it wasn’t just the disappointment and anger at someone who doesn’t even know me discrediting my life’s work and passion. It wasn’t just the need to defend my lifestyle as being focused on health, not size. It wasn’t just the burning desire to educate someone who is not only ignorant about health, but lashing out at me for being healthy.
It was the fact that this person, who I’ll call Bob, felt the need to take what is a serious, deadly, life-threatening psychological disorder and turn it into joke or a knife to try to cut me with.
Bob, who doesn’t know me, lashed out not only at me, but at anyone who’s ever struggled with disordered eating.
I took a deep breath. I dug around inside to find my God-Love for Bob, and I tried to figure out how to respond. And this was my reply:
So, earlier today I posted some motivational pictures of me as I’m recovering from baby-having. And I’m so pleased that y’all can see that smart, healthy life choices can lead to an aesthetically pleasing and, more important, STRONG body. And then someone strolled onto my page and made a hateful comment about me being anorexic. Eating disorders are serious business, y’all, and not for making jokes or throwing in people’s faces to try to make them feel bad about themselves. Eating disorders are deadly, are debilitating, are more of a mental than a physical disorder, and anyone suffering with them needs support and professional help. And it’s not cute or sassy to make disordered eating into a joke. I’m somewhere around 125 lbs and 5’7″, which puts me solidly in the healthy weight range. I didn’t count calories. I don’t weigh myself. I eat somewhere between 2000-2500 calories a day and workout maybe 3 days a week at this point. But I make healthy choices along the way, and the consistency of my lifestyle shows. And I’ve made it my career to teach you how to LOVE YOURSELF toward a stronger, more functional bod. Needless to say, I banned the member who made that comment. Cause ain’t nobody got time for that crap. #MommaBearRaiseYourHead
I’ll be honest, choosing to ban Bob was a tough one for me. I mean, how can I educate someone who doesn’t know any better if I’m not in their presence? But, in the end, the most important thing for me was to keep my work page a safe zone for my clients, family, and friends, where everyone feels supported and encouraged. And if your first instinct is to lash out, especially on a topic that so many people struggle with, then you have already told me all I need to know about your intentions.
Which brings me back to the topic of disordered eating.
When I was studying to become a Kinesiologist, I remember us having one section of one chapter in one class that covered disordered eating. And we had one section of one chapter in one class that covered body dysmorphia. A subtext of Weight Management. A subtext of Sports Psychology. A side note.
While I completely understand the impossibility of learning everything you could possibly encounter in your professional career, and here’s how to handle it in four short years of schooling…the side note never really felt like enough. I mean, there was the obvious, “Don’t starve yourself. Don’t starve your clients. Look out for signs of disordered eating.” But then what? We were told to refer to a certified nutritionist/psychologist and encouraged not to work outside of our scope. Which is great advice! You should never work outside of your scope!
But, how can you refer in a way that’s supportive and helpful? How can you refer in a way that doesn’t crush the relationship you’ve built? How can you help someone see that the demon they are battling…is their own creation?
I’ll be honest: I don’t have the answers. I get uncomfortable when faced with the very physical evidence of someone else’s struggle and I want to fix it, I want to tell them they are worthy and beautiful and that they should love themselves in a way I approve of. And yet, I’ve come to understand lately that we all, without exception, struggle with a demon of our own. And just because some of our demons are easier to hide, or don’t threaten our health so immediately, doesn’t change the fact that we carry our battles with us, under our very skin, wherever we go.
And the thing we all need is GRACE. Love. Support. Listening, understanding, caring without strings attached. Not:
“You’ll be normal if you’d just…”
“You’ll be worthy just as soon as you…”
“I could see you as a human if you’d only…”
So, in closing, I’d encourage you to not only be considerate of the personal shadows everyone else is dealing with on a day-to-day basis, but give yourself some grace for your own as well. And if you or someone you know is stuck in the cycle of disordered eating or body dysmorphia, I pray you’ll be able to see past the disorder to the humanity, just as I pray that for myself; that you’ll be able to reach out and make meaningful connections, because that’s the only real way that I can see to make a positive impact in the midst of what is no doubt a harrowing struggle.
And then consider sharing some of these resources:
Please share your thoughts with me on this topic; my exposure is limited and I’d appreciate fresh perspectives and different experiences.
Comments