This weekend is Mother’s Day and I feel so incredibly blessed about it. As I write this, I reminisce about last Mother’s Day when we announced to our family and friends that we were expecting. A few weeks prior to that we had just found out ourselves and could hardly contain our excitement. And a few weeks before that we thought we wouldn’t be able to have biological children.
As I write this, my son is 5 months old and taking a nap upstairs. A lot can happen in a year.
I think of this past year as my “Becoming Mom” journey. I know I’ll never be done learning how to be “Mom”, but this year has been my immersion study into the course.
One thing that seems synonymous with “Mom” is worry. Worry manifests itself in many places of my life now where I felt confident before. Worry rears its head at 2 in the morning, while I’m grocery shopping, while I’m trying to take a nap, while I look at the piles of cat hair that need to be swept, while I watch Lil’ Man sleep.
What if I eat the wrong thing and it upsets his stomach/gives him a rash? What if he pulls the blanket over his head and then rolls over in just such a way that his face is against the mattress and he can’t breathe? What if I forget to double check the that the car seat lock is set? What if I lose my grip on the stroller while walking downhill toward a busy street? What if…
One of my main worries, that I think most moms can relate to (if blog topics, open Facebook letters, and those darn Johnson & Johnson commercials that end with “thanks, Mom” and make us all sob uncontrollably are any indication) is worry about being enough. About doing enough. Being worthy of this huge responsibility of shaping a person for the world, and shaping the world that person sees.
If I nap, I can’t clean the kitchen…I didn’t get anything done today, and the baby’s crying, and I’m just so tired…I forget something important, I just know I did…How can I find balance between being mom and being self?How can I show my husband love when all I want to do when he gets home is be left alone?
There are lots of opportunities during the day to worry. So many seconds where you may wonder am I up to this task? Can I actually do this? So many times where doubt can cloud your mind and make you second guess yourself. So many times when your sleep deprivation and that doubt makes you accidentally break the lawn mower the one time you decided to “step up” and mow the jungle outside in an effort to show your husband more kindness, and now you have to figure out how to fix the lawn mower, but you can’t because clearly you can’t do anything right and meanwhile snakes and panthers and monsters are moving in to your yard because clearly no one is taking care of this stretch of land and soon the police will come arrest you because you are doing such a crummy job of life… Or is that last one just me?
But, dolls, moms, people who love moms, remember this: You were hand-picked for the spot you’re in right now.
Today I’ve got Moses on the brain. Moses, the story of how a Hebrew boy escaped slaughter by being adopted by pharaoh’s daughter (Exodus 2:3). Moses, the story of how a son of Egypt defied his family, defended a Hebrew from his Egyptian master, and escaped to die in the desert alone instead of facing pharaoh’s judgement (Exodus 2:15). Moses, the story of a man who was sent back to Egypt to demand the freedom of the people of his birth from the people who raised him (Exodus 3:10). Moses, who apparently also may have had a speech impediment. That dude had a lot to worry about, for like, his entire life.
When Moses worried about things, like why God had picked him of all people to do these crazy tasks, he asked God (Exodus 3:11). He asked God, basically, how in the heck he was going to be successful at what felt like the impossible. And God answered:
“I will be with you.”
Simple.
“I will be with you.”
If you don’t know the rest of the story of Moses, I encourage you to check it out. If you’re less of a reader, maybe check out the animated movie. Also it’s just a good movie, and one of my favorites for artistic visuals and awesome songs, not to mention an all-star voice cast. But the take-away here is that Moses was able to do all the tasks set before him because, as promised, he wasn’t doing them alone.
And you, moms, you can do this whole mom-thing. You can raise a person, and figure out your life balance, and still find yourself happy in the midst of, and because of, your messy life. Because you were hand-picked, and you aren’t doing this alone.
“I will be with you.”
Happy Mother’s Day, y’all!
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